TL;DR: Thanks for the happy bdays, I'm sad and bought a camera to shoot poor quality stock images with.
First and foremost, I want to thank everyone who said happy birthday both on here and FB! It always makes me feel good every year.
Unfortunately due to turing 26, my only birthday present was losing my health insurance. #shrug
I have been off my game lately. My art became a constant reminder of failure so it got harder and harder to finish things. That still remains to be the case, and the real reason people don't hear from me. I don't do art for commercial or popularity purposes, though I intend it to be a career, but there is a genuine need to create and express some kind of something. I don't know what, I have yet to be skilled enough to figure that out.
However, there is no stopping so I went and pulled the trigger on a Nikon D5500 to shoot and use my own stock exclusively. I feel like this is the only way to legitimize my art, and no longer feel like a hack fraud.
I do want to point out I don't think people who use 2nd hand stock resources are frauds. I have been doing it for 5 years, never holding a camera that wasn't built into my phone before. But now it feels limiting and makes everything lack personality and personal attachment. I don't want to make empty "pretty images" anymore.
I will also have to become okay with showing emotion and creating a deeper more personal narrative. Which makes me so uncomfortable to even think about let alone actually do.
Barf.
Probs gonna write more on DA, due to the small audience and general feel of "no one will read this". I like talking into holes. ...Until they talk back.
Skin by SimplySilent